小朋友发来作文：My time
I like to play games every day. I think it’s very fun and . I often stay up late at night to play games. I to do my I’m too busy . I know it’s not good, but I can’t stop .
点评总结及批改建议：
这篇作文表达了作者对玩游戏的喜爱和对时间管理的困扰。同时句子结构错误、语法错误、用词不当和表达不清楚使得文章的表达不够准确。
句子结构错误：第一句”I like to play games every day.”应该是”I like games every day.”，因为在英语中，喜欢做某事时应该使用动词的-ing形式。
语法错误：第三句”I often stay up late at night to play games.”应该是”I often stay up late at night games.”，因为在英语中，表示持续性动作时应该使用动词的-ing形式。
用词不当：第二句”I think it’s very fun and .”中的”fun”应该改为””，因为”fun”通常用于描述活动或娱乐，而””更适合描述一种愉快的体验。
表达不清楚：第四句” I to do my I’m too busy .”这句话的意思不够明确，应该具体说明为什么玩游戏会导致忘记做作业。
改正基本错误以后的作文：
I enjoy games every day. I find it very and . , I often stay up late at night games. , I to do my I get too in . I know it’s not good, but I can’t stop .
进一步优化后的作文：
games has a daily of for me. I find it and . , I have a habit of up late at night in . , this has in my as I in the world. I am aware of the , yet I to the .
优化改写理由：
将”I enjoy games every day.”改为” games has a daily of for me.”，使得表达更加自然，更符合英语表达习惯。
将”I find it very and .”改为”I find it and .”，使用了更丰富的词汇，使得表达更加丰富，更具有吸引力。
将”I often stay up late at night games.”改为”I have a habit of up late at night in .”，调整了句子的结构，使得表达更加流畅，更具有连贯性。
将”, I to do my I get too in .”改为”, this has in my as I in the world.”，使用了更正式的词汇，使得表达更加准确，更具有说服力。
改写得更有文采一些：
in the realm of games has an part of my daily . The they is , my and me to a world of . , this often leads me , as I find to the of late-night . , the of my falls to my in the realm. of the , I to from this realm.
掌握写作最好的途径：多写、多改、多练。
如果你孩子也正在练习写作文，
请把他的作文拍下来发给我吧。
我帮你像上面这篇文章一样，
免费精细化修改，
一步步帮助孩子掌握高分写作能力。
你需要做的，就是把这篇文章发到朋友圈，
让更多朋友能享受孩子作文水平飞升的福利。
相关文章
